I'm basically miserable. Someone always seems to be mad at me about something? I mean seriously.....what the hell did I do? I'm so stressed out, and I know that I should be excited about the upcoming nuptials...but I'm honestly dreading it, because I just know that something will probably go wrong that day. Something always seems to. And you know why? Because people are selfish, and feel that it is okay for THEM to ruin SOMEONE ELSE'S day.

Also, why do people take it upon themselves to interfere in other peoples' business? If you are not directly involved with either of the parties, then you obviously don't belong sticking your nose in their business, right? Duh! Silly rabbits....

Why when people see two people happy together, do they feel the need to ruin it? Because their miserable with their lives? Misery loves company right? Well I'm not a very good guest....

The stress keeps building up inside of me and I need some kind of outlet for it. This has helped a bit. Ugh.

Soooooo..........I'm happy, <3 First time in a long time. That good feeling is coming back again, carefreeness is setting in, it's like the feeling you get when you've been in the cold airconditioning all day and you step outside and the sunshine hits your cheeks and you feel all warm in you're face and kinda tired........yeah...thats how I feel.

Independant. Loved. Free. THANK GOD



This weekend has been great for me. I needed it. I needed to see if I could do it by myself, to reassure myself that I can make it on my own. While I still feel like I can't live without "it", I know that I can manage on my own just the same.

You'll come back to me tomorrow morning,
A familiar smile and scent of your hair.
And while I don't heed my hearts warning,
I'm so happy to know that you are there.

Leave me to myself, and let me forget about you. It's good to hear your voice, but just let me forget it, please....

And you......please don't confuse me, it's so mean. How could you do that to me? Drag me into this? This is EXACTLY what I didn't want. EXACTLY what I am against.

I don't want this feeling to come back, and it's coming sooooo fast.....I've went soooo long without it, I want to be strong, I don't want to cry, I don't want to think the thoughts, I don't want this part of the relationship, I want you and me. But can there just be "you" and "me"? It felt like it this weekend, and now I'm not so sure.

It just happened.....the first one fell, I haven't cried since Eddie died.

Why am I doing this to myself???

Ughhhh........I'm tired.

Working 14 hour shifts 4 days a week is killing me.....I'm not even joking :(

Yesterday, Me and Jenna went mudding after the storm on our bikes! Jenna didn't get really dirty though..... :( I on the other hand.....well...lol....was COVERED in mud from head to toe :P

Grant came over last night and watched the family guy movie with me and we fell asleep on the couch till like, 12:30am. Then he left and I went to sleep for.....5 1/2 hours :( I keep forgetting to give him his biiirrrrttthhhdddaayyyyy present, ugh...forgetful me! We have both been sooo tired this summer b/c of our jobs that everytime we see each other we're either drunk or half asleep, lol. Oh well <3

Love, me

...it's too much to do with me, and secretly I want to bury it in the yard. The great remains of a friendship scarred.....


Mmmmmmmkay.....went to graduation today, watched Katelin and TD graduate and move on, exciting stuff. I start working at the bank again tomorrow morning and then K-Mart at night, woo-hoo my life is gonna suck! lol.

Everyone likes my new hair, yayness for that. I was kinda leery about it for awhile, but hey, ppl make me feel better about it.

Love,
Jewel

So it's summer break now.....soooo why doesn't it feel like it??

I'm in "like"....lots of new feelings, don't know what to do with a lot of them. Don't know what it is just yet, all I know is that it's dependable. Take that just for what it is. He feeds my thoughts, so doesn't he have to feel the same way? This is why summer sucks, you don't see people as much b/c of work. Still though, I can always count on talking to him everyday, he makes sure of it :) <3

Sleepy, sleepy.......you want an unperfect post? Here it is.

I'm falling for him,
and he seems to be falling too.
But my mind always doubts,
and wonders if he's true.

So I question our moments,
and try to make time hault.
Because nothing this good ever happens,
its not his fault.

Its gonna take a long time,
and a lot of wasted air.
Before we get together,
and you show me how much you care.

Because, I know you really care.


Time can be your friend or enemy, you decide. I'm trying to make the most out of mine.

Please see the beauty in this, because you're the one who adds the fuel to my fire.

So I was supposed to go see Dashboard Confessional tonight with Jenna.....that didn't end up happening, stupid softball :( We played in Alton, IL which is 2 and half hours away!!!! GRRRRRRR.....so Jenna just came over here and chilled with me after I got home and then we went into Canton, but she ended up having to go home b/c her dad was mad I think :( Still don't know what about though :(

So yeah.....lots of shit went down this weekend though....some good, some bad, some weird......and some VERY good :P Jenna knows what I'm talking about! :P


Luv, Jewel

Welllll.......the hair is short again.......and I like it! Its to the top of my shoulders and really layered and piecey, veryyyyy cute! :) I was sooo scared to get it cut, but Mindy convinced me that if I didnt' like it......It can always grow back! So true!

Okay....so I turned 19 on Friday, April 14th.......but I started celebrating on Thursday night, lol.

Austin Matheny invited me to a party in Wee-ma-tuck on Thursday night, so Me, Scherie, Brittany, and Tucker all went and got wasted off our asses (except Brittany, our DD) While there, everyone had a countdown to Midnight going b/c it was my bday at midnight! So that was crazy! And when it finally turned midnight, everyone sang to me and gave me birthday kisses, (or if your Jeffry...you just raped me pretty much, lol)

That party carried into 4:30am, when we arrived back into Canton and went to Tyler Schrick's house and hung out till like, 5:00am. Then I went to Tuckers apartment and we went on a walk around canton at like, 5:30am. We passed out in a park for about 15 minutes, then came home and slept. I woke up at 7:15 and went home b/c I had to do the whole birthday with the family thing and I had to work at 11:00am.

Jenna brought me flowers and balloons at work! Then I got off and went home then came back into Canton, where Me, Jenna, Jeffry and Kyle went out to eat and shopping. We came back home and Kyle Bainter and Josh Williamson came over to Jenna's and we rode around town with them on Kyle's motorcycle and Josh's moped. Then Grant Haffner texted me, so we decided to go pick him up and take him with us to Jeffry's house.

After we got to Jeffry's, me and Grant got there later than everyone else and had a hottub-water fight in Jeffry's backyard, lol. Then Jenna and everyone else came and picked us up! We rode around on 3 4-wheelers for an hour or so, then came back and got into the hottub. I took Grant home at like 4:30am then came back to Cuba and passed out in Jeffry's basement.

Got up at 8:00am today and had a softball double header at 1:00pm. We won both games! yay!

I'M SO FUCKING TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The End. <3